What follows henceforth is an account of my tryst with the BOSS and I have replayed it with a fine comb! It is still running houseful in its 4th week in Bombay. All the local baccha artistes have tasted the dust below his feet..
Well the rest of it might be a giant spoiler.. so if you plan to see it - CEASE n DESIST. But then, If you haven't seen it yet... your life couldn't be sadder.. my condolences.
Well lets rewind to the beginning.
Well just after the mandatory regulatory "Superstar Rajni" splash screen...
They show someone being brought to Court; The amby stops... People are wailing in the streets; protesting hustling bustling... civic unrest. The inspector in the front seat goes "Sir please cover your face - if the media gets on this... " Deep voice resounds consent. Black cloth over head - someone is being taken to jail. Cut to Cell - Standing with his back to the camera leaning on the bars. The guy in the adjoining cells asks
"What are you here for ...Murder?"
Ahaan (Sylabblic No mixed with a laugh with 67.28% derision)
"Rape Case" Nopes
"Internet Sex caseaaa" No
I am here for public welfare
FLASHBACK: Cut to airport. Papa Mumma n Mumma's bro (Resident Comic Mama) are waiting for Sivaji to come down. A gaggle of mini wearing PYTs is already ready for Sivaji to choose from. Mama introduces the girls to the "Producers of Sivaji"... [a dramatic pause for the punch ] "Mother n Father..". We now know that the humor standards have been set real high with this one.
Next thing.. the familiar fling of the hair and Thalaivar is here. Takes out a Stylan standard issue white gum.. Carefully watch the next RAjnikant moVE.
Right hand releases the gum on an instantaneously calculated deflected trajectory off the left hand into his mouth.
Style !!! A thousand aartis light up in hundreds of talkies in somewhere down south which can be seen by Sunita Williams in space.
Here he comes... down the escalator. After the mini family reunion n some small talk.. Sivaji sets for home with his parents n Mama in his silver Merc (A Stunner)
On his way home, Mother asks him what does he do in the States ? ( A perfectly valid journalistic question with all the viewers are waiting with bated breath)
"Software System Analyst"
No more details. Actually this one of my doubts that was causing me great discomfort and had some burning questions _ Did Sivaji work in run-of-the-mill with-the-crowd M$ or Java or does he work in the more radical and cutting edge stuff like Rails, Scheme, stuff that is still classified and only Superstar subscribers know about? Is he a slick keyboarder or a precision mouse fragger ? Now this is probably a given with his faster-than-the-human-eye motion-sensor-beating moves, Is he "Agile" ?? But none of these queries were answered. Makes sense otherwise it would cause a massive imbalance in the technology equilibrium. And Superstar always keeps his BALANCE!
SSS proceeds to explain how he has made 200 crores (???!!!) by working hard and now he is back to give it back to the community via providing low cost education n healthcare n other value added non-taxable services.
Some doubters might go ... 'There ripped off Swades...' Well I think Khan saab only managed to light a bulb or something n drove some trailer or something. Did he return with 200 crores in a streaking silver Merc? I don't think so!
So next SSS has a party to meet the whos who- He meets his nemesis All-White local Bigshot "Adi Seshan"
The female crowd is just busting at the seams... with an imprompu fashion walk PYT svayamvar. Nonetheless, SSS is homebred thoroughbred- he wants a docile charming sarvagun samapann Tamil belle. When forced to dance, He asks the DJ to switch to some local style from the techno crap he is dishing out.. "don't diss me" says Rajni.
And we are teleported to a gigantic green planet and its time for a local Tamil style boogie in the glade "Balleilaka Balleilaka" goes SSS n the female lead (Shreya / Shriya) along with an entire army of backup dancers. One regiment is especially noteworthy - coz all are potbellied with body paint on. That one take where there is SS Rajni in the middle among an array of potbellies with Thalaivar's face painted on em - Pure Cinematic genius. The grandeur sets the stage for things to come. SP n Rehman show how its done - infinitely danceable.. still playing in a loop on my cell.
So after that workout (Hey , its not only the big corporations that started the "workouts") Back to business. SSS goes about his grand plan of social upliftment.
He first meets the bad guy who promised to do all that he could in the party (naaye!!!), who politely but sternly asks him to back off his terrain and venture into real estate. But SSS has just seen him extort lakhs of rupees as medical fees from a chap from an impoverished family n a deformity in his leg. SSS is indignant at this blatant extortion in the name of education. His resolve is furthered solidified and he lays down the gauntlet to AdiSeshan.
First step.. Mama sets up an appointment with a middleman who says your project plan is too huge in scope. You'll need 50-60 approvals. Fork out the oiling fees (lakhs) and it shall be done. SS erupts against this blatant corruption (He has much to adapt) throws him out by the collar. Middle man still takes his imported bottle ("consulting fees" he says) and mooches his 2 pegs ("Service tax!")
SS tries it the hard way. He runs from pillar to post for his clearance and approval papers with Mama in tow ... All in Vain!. SSS relents to the tyrannical vice-like grip of the corrupt zombies - "what is the valuation of your project? Gimme x%". Back to middleman... who produces a Swindlers' list of "gifts". Next each one is invited to a presidential suite of a top hotel and the drop is made. All clear. Construction begins.
Now its time to look for a suitable gurl.. Mama informs him that the kind he wants .. only a few exist in the wild and can only be found in temples (if he is lucky). So it is temple tour time.. Finally nazrein mili on our girl. But a bumbling inspector (a direct descendant of the AppuRaja inspector) puts a spanner in the works. Next project 'Track down the belle'. Mama is resourceful in such matters and gets GPS activated. We have a lock on Selvi's co-ordinates.
So both of em decide to drop by and pay her a visit.
Next Mama n SSR in disguise like people preparing the voting list - meet the parents. He makes a detailed inspection of her artistic talents etc. in the name of democracy. But her dad sees thru the gimmick and locks all the exits while daughter enchants both of them with a ditty which ends with the climax of Bumbling cop bursting thru the main door catching em redhanded. BUSTED! This sequence shall make more sense when you have watched an earlier SSR flick Chandramukhi. Back References - always a sign of a great movie! The parents meet up in the police station of all places and talk about future plans. But the girls parents are adamant (Whats up with these guys anyway I mean .. is there some universal problem ?) - even after Sivaji shows them his Illam, which is like a tamil version of Mandrake's Xanadu sans the paranoid security measures. He's got food fit for kings, apparel, closets of stuff for the next decade of married life - Vision thy name is...
Turns out she works at the local music shop.
Just as negotiations are underway, a bunch of goons descend from nowhere. Some thrash talk ensues... mama warns em but when its time... it's clobberin time!!! A gum is popped and what ensues is a musical fight like no other.. Free Guitar lessons from the Rockstar.
A THUNDERING instrumental SYMPHONY with some gems like there's a many to one scenario where SSS is in a dodge-ball like circle. One swing with his trusty guitar.. goons fly off radially and while they are in mid-air.. time freezes for SSS to play a few riffs and show us some dance steps before they goons drop like flies. Flash Gordon has a new friend!
Time for a dream sequence Song.. with tamil gladiators n the docile tamil belle undergoes a stunning metamorphosis with a capital M into a ravishing seductress with moves that need to be seen to be believed. (We will observe a silent ogle session of about 4 mins as did anyone who saw that song for the first time. Only SSR in his Sultan look can keep his calm demeanour and continue with the choreographed steps. As for the rest of the crew, its only the fear of death at the hands of Thalaivar, that kept from mass-ogling n groping.. Just as you are about to pass out.. the song ends and your heart returns to steady state speeds. Paramedics are at your beck n call in all theatres... SSR is health-consciousness personified. Detailed heart treatment has been seamlessly woven into the script given the rising stress levels of the working class all over the world. His good ol' doc - [ Bhavani from Shiva... the better n older one] explains it lucidly to SSR Now you may be fooled into believing that SSR didn't know that already.. but then BOSS.. that's acting. In the interest of public healthcare of the millions n millions watching all over the world. )
Meanwhile baddie has hooked in his puppy home minister - he has "made" him the minister. So a flash "stay-order" on the construction. SSR tries to reason with the minister but HM needs 25% of the entire budget to keep his peace. 50 Lakhs! Heartbroken... SSR pledges his house n belongings to borrow money and pay off the minister. Stay averted... Adi Seshan blows his top on being double crossed by his snitch and promptly pulls the rug from under his minister
Just as you thought he'd get a breather... Miss Belle refuses to get jiggy with THE ONE citing "complexion difference" as the reason. Mama goes ballistic in the music shop saying you don't talk about 2 things to a Tamilian. The second one is the dark side... Feared even by the Jedis for its mysterious powers to corrupt across galaxies!! Mama : instead of making you fair, why don't we just blacken her - that would be easier! Very logical but SSR agrees to her whims n fancies (customer centricity) and its time for project 'Fair n Lovely' After many procedures n practices - SSR comes back to the shop as a Firang!!! No less.
What follows is the super hit number "Style" shot in Spain. AR Rehman brings the house down with his beats!! Tamil Belle is all mini skirty and pumping again - a case of 'splitting out of her clothes' personality ??!!
By the end of the song, belle confesses she likes the Ol' Look better and she lied - she has some astrological complications - impending doom n gloom to any one who marries her. These astrologers... after all that cardiac activity to get the girl to say yes.. these no good quacks come to rain on the parade. (Uh oh.. things just keep piling on our humble superstar!) SSR smooth talks her and says ****s to those psychics. A girl turning down the champ... unheard of !!
Meanwhile on the parallel track, Minister has been sacked and a new Dog has been installed in his place. Bulldozers are re-sent to tear down the fledgling development - SSR thunders into the ministers cabin. He is informed that new permissions are needed, the money you paid was to the old government which is no more. New people, new "donations".. SSR has no more money left.. and he hires a lawyer to fight his case. He ends up giving up his silver merc as good will to the lawyer and has to walk home. To top it off, our split-belle has blown a gasket - she thinks she has brought about misfortune on our champion. All attempts to reconcile are met with a new flood of sobs n denials.
So in the end, everything is confiscated.. SSR is out on the road. The baddie in his infinite khujli comes and gives SSR a One Rupee coin with a mock sympathy monologue. SSR thinks hard on his next course of action - finally lets the divine powers guide him . Coin flip Tails I back out Heads (Lions head) I go n kick his Ass. Need I tell you the result.. the Gods are not that crazy after all.
Next is the trademarked copyrighted - patented in 3 dimensions and 27 states. The 3 pronged Sivaji coin flip.
RAVE: Hold shiny one rupee coin in right hand. Do a linear horizontal flip with your thumb. Quickly intercept the coin on the left end B of trajectory. Flick again to return to Position A. Now flick again to toss coin into the air in a elliptical path into whatever pocket you feel like .. Side, front, back you name it.
You have lions roaring in the back ground while SSR assumes the King of the Moutain Pose.
INTERMISSION
Watch this space... or better yet, watch the movie before I post again.
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